According to Charol Shakeshaft, abusers will engage in a process known as "grooming", during which, she explains, "an abuser selects a student, gives the student attention and rewards, provides the student with support and understanding, all the while slowly increasing the amount of touch or other sexual behavior. The purpose of grooming is to test the child’s ability to maintain secrecy, to desensitize the child through progressive sexual behaviors, to provide the child with experiences that are valuable and that the child won’t want to lose, to learn information that will discredit the child, and to gain approval from parents. Grooming allows the abuser to test the student’s silence at each step. It also serves to implicate the student, resulting in children believing that they are responsible for their own abuse because 'I never said stop'.”
Through the process of grooming, children who are sexually abused by teachers often don't recognize what is happening as abuse. "In many cases," says Shakeshaft, "they are told that what is happening is love. Many abusers of children at all ages couch what they are doing to the children as love, both romantic and parental."
Other techniques for keeping children quiet, says Shakeshaft, are "intimidation and threats, such as "If you tell, I'll fail you", as well as "exploiting the power structure, such as "If you tell, no one will believe you" and "manipulating the child’s affections, such as "if you tell, I’ll get in trouble; if you tell, I won’t be able to be your friend anymore."
Because the child typically receives something from the relationship, either material (gifts, good grades, etc.) or non-material (sexual pleasure, attention, etc.), they can typically be made to feel somehow responsible, which puts their abuser in an advantageous position.
